...a writer, but I should have been a scientist. Not because I have an aptitude or even an interest in anything even remotely scientific, but because of the way I'm wired. Artists think with their hearts, and record, in whatever medium they do, what it says. Scientists think purely with their heads, and with the intuition that comes from the knowledge of the table
Of elements or the life cycle or whatever the hell else I immidiately forgot in science classes. But they're logical. They compare based on evidence and statistics and outweighing pros to cons.
I'm like that. I hate the illogical. I hate when things aren't black and white but a hundred thousand shades of grey. If I didn't analyze everything from every possible angle, I'd consider myself almost childlike in my way of classifying thing. Black and white. Wrong and right. It's when left is right and right is wrong that everything gets confusing and complicated. Too much.
That's one thing I couldn't deal with as a scientist. Something goes wrong and I shut down. That's not very professional. Writers are allowed to go three days without talking. It's a part of the creative process or some nonsense like that and maybe my future publishers will think my anxiety and nervous habits make me unique and not just weird.
Someone told me tonight that for someone that takes everything so personally, someone that uses 98% of their heart, I sure ignore it a lot. I wish that was something I wanted to work on. If the government could recreate my defense mechanisms, there'd be no terrorism.
Kelly
